10 Things You Should Never Say To People Who Don’t Have Children
Usually people who have children love talking about their decision to have children. However not everyone wants or can be a parent. That’s why we are sharing this list of ten things you shouldn’t say to people without children.
Do you have children?
This question seems pretty innocent. But, it can be a hard one for people who don’t have kids to answer, particularly because it’s usually among the first questions that people ask when they meet someone new. This may lead to a sensitive territory (abortion, infertility and criticism) that requires closeness in order to be understood.
It seems you’re not ready to have children
This remark assumes that everyone wants and can have children. And it becomes worse: It can also be pretty judgmental. This is an especially hard statement for people who are trying to have a baby and people always assume that they don’t because they have other priorities like career or finances.
What are you waiting for?
If the person you are asking is close to you, you may be familiar with their issues. If they are not close enough, you have absolutely no reason to be so nosy. In addition, family planning is a very personal matter, so the question is rude, even though you mean nothing bad.
You’ll understand when you have children
Of course, there are a lot of experiences that only those with children will be able to experience. But saying something like this to people who don’t have children by chance or choice is very disrespectful. Challenging someone’s ability to understand something because they don’t directly experiencing it can be pretty demeaning.
You have no idea what tired is
One hallmark of parenthood, particularly early parenthood, is suffering from a lack of sleep. This type of sleep deprivation is unique to having kids — but this doesn’t mean you should throw this in someone’s face if they don’t have children, whether it’s by choice or circumstance.
There is nothing more rewarding as raising kids
Although having children can be a real joy, being a parent isn’t the only way to have a rich and fulfilling life. Making this statement can be self-indulgent and can diminish the sense of accomplishment in the person as well as her positive impact on the world.
You didn’t adopt so you didn’t really want to have children
It is wrong to assume that because someone can’t have biological children they need to adopt. A lot of couples would prefer to have children who will be genetically related to them, but this isn’t possible for at least 10% of the couples. With this statement the questioner implies that adoption is easy to accomplish or accept which is inaccurate.
You can work late because you don’t have kids
Other common assumption is that because someone doesn’t have children, he or she doesn’t need to have family or personal time. It is very insulting to think that someone’s personal time is less valuable just because they don’t have children.
You are lucky you don’t have children
Sometimes parents encourage non-parents to enjoy being free or live it up. This can be very painful if it’s directed toward people who are trying to have kids. And although this remark may be affirming for a woman who doesn’t have children by choice, it will definitely spark resentment in women who want to conceive but can’t or who lost a child or pregnancy.
You’ll change your mind when you find the right partner
It is one thing to ask why someone wants to remain childless, but it’s a completely different thing to assume that their life circumstances are the main reason why they don’t want to have kids.